Go It Alone

A common refrain when encouraging a woman who is newly single is “go do whatever you want! You do you, Boo.” But as any woman knows, you can’t just go do whatever you want. New Orleans is a reasonable drive from Houston, and I hadn’t been there in many years. When a couple friends, who both suggested I go forth and travel, learned of my plans to visit the Big Easy, they were appalled. “Oh, absolutely not. You can’t go to New Orleans alone.” I don’t know if you’ve seen a map of the continental United States lately, but it’s New Orleans or staying in Texas when it comes to driving destinations starting from Houston. I briefly considered a remote AirB&B as a scenic writing getaway, as I’ve done in the past, but I wanted a little more adventure this time around.

Popular opinion dictates New Orleans is too much adventure for a woman traveling alone. Popular opinion is not entirely incorrect. Lucky for me, some friends were traveling to NOLA for a few days and agreed to chaperone my travels after dark. I arrived late and ate oysters at a lively spot which would have been impossible with kids in tow. It was delightful.

I stayed in a spectacular location and walked all around the city on my own my first full day there, and it was remarkably freeing to not take anyone else into account for the first time in recent memory. Two of my three children have severe food allergies, so every restaurant is a risk, especially in a place that offers a lot of seafood (one child is allergic to all finned fish). To pick a restaurant because it was where I wanted to eat was truly revolutionary. No checking the kids’ menu, calling ahead to see if they fry their fish in the same oil as their chicken nuggets, asking about accommodations for peanut allergies (can you clean the milkshake machine before making a fresh shake for my son?) or worrying about wait times and calculating how long my kids would last before having a hunger-related meltdown.

My second night I went to dinner with my lovely friends who took me out on the town afterward as my bodyguards. Safety in numbers, as they say. We went to a writer-themed bar which I loved, and then had Sazerac on Bourbon Street. If you are not familiar, Sazerac tastes like if cough syrup was a filthy whore. We ended the night at the Carousel Bar, where I abandoned the violence of Sazerac and switched to tequila, and we laughed and shared stories for hours.

I headed home to regroup and then left again for Austin. I lived in Austin once upon a time, so I didn’t need to look up activities or plan a trip, per se. I had dinner with a dear friend from Moscow who has coincidentally ended up living in Austin, took tacos to the lake even though the weather was miserable, went to happy hour with my cousin, and had lunch with my Aunt before returning home to celebrate my Irish heritage all weekend. It was so nice to be back in Austin after several years, even though it’s really different now and full of tech bros from California. I did some writing both nights I was in town, which I found therapeutic, and of course, I stayed in an Airstream in true Austin fashion. It was tiny, but perfect for a party of one.

The moral of this story is you should travel alone. Travel is truly special and it’s wonderful to share it with someone, but especially if you have kids, go away for a day and just relish the lack of planning and accommodating and placating that is required when you go anywhere with a child in tow. Even the older independent kids are going to complain about something, be allergic to a menu, want you to buy them dumb junk at every store, or not want to venture out without a firm itinerary. I didn’t have to do a swamp tour because my parents live in Florida so I’m good on gators, thanks. I didn’t have to go buy groceries for two days in a rental because I tossed some snacks in my bag before I left. I just did as I pleased.

The mental load of traveling with kids can sometimes outweigh the mental clarity I crave from traveling. For destinations that are for my kids, like playing in the snow in New Mexico or taking them to the zoo, I don’t expect to really enjoy myself, I’m there to make sure my kids have a great day. But in light of my change in circumstance, I can vouch for getting away alone as a distraction from missing your kids or to recharge for their return. You do you, Boo.