For My Boys

Are we over Adele parodies yet? I wrote this today during nap time. Listen to Adele’s “Hello” while you read.

Hello, it’s me

I was wondering if after all these months you’d like to meet

Please come gently out of me

they say that time’s supposed to heal my

epi-sio-tomy

 

hello, can you hear me

I’ve been hurling since the day I told your Dad that we’d be three

When I smell chicken or cheese

I feel faint and beg the doctor “can you give me pills, please”

 

There’s only membranes between us

And a million pounds

 

Hello ‘fridgerator light

There’s no more gap between my thighs

And I’m sorry for the chili I ate

‘cause that wicked heartburn kept us both up real late

 

Hello from the outside

I must have peed a thousand times

And my ankles swelled up to the size of two hams

Yea, I can’t see past these enormous new cans, anymore

 

Hello, how are you?

It’s so typical of me to think about myself I’m sorry

I hope that you’re cozy

Do you have enough room to stretch out ‘cause you feel really boney

 

It’s no secret that the both of us

Are running out of space

 

So hello from the other side

I must have prayed a thousand times

To tell God I wanted a safe healthy child

And, if you could, quick labor, that’s relatively mild

Hello from the outside

I just can’t wait to hear your cries

They say ‘keep pushing’ like I have any choice

My God, who’s screaming? That can’t be my voice anymore

 

(Lamaze breathing)

Hoo hoo hoo anymore

Hee hee hee anymore

Hoo hoo hoo anymore

Anymore

 

Hello from your crib side

I must have cried a thousand times

And I’ll tell you I love you with all of my heart

Until someday your new wife will pry us apart

Hello from your crib side

I must have checked a million times

To make sure you’re breathing and I can hear your sweet heart

We’re together always, you can’t tear us apart anymore