Crossfitters and athletes cannot help but attempt a new skill for beefcakes as soon as they see it on social media. Push-up challenge? Balancing while lifting? New kind of one-legged squat? They’ve got to put themselves to the test right away. To get me on my feet and feeling a little competitive, show me a TikTok recipe.
A “viral” recipe is just code for “challenge,” and I need to know if A) I can do it myself and B)it’s delicious. I regret to inform you that the viral million layer duck fat potatoes that take at least two days to make are indeed delicious. A hassle, but delicious. My kids have been gone all week, and trying new recipes alone is relatively low stakes. I wanted to try and make scallops, duck fat potatoes, whole fish, and duck, none of which my kids would eat, all of which contain expensive ingredients, so I waited until they were gone to experiment.
I’ve seen chefs sear in stainless steel but I’m always worried whatever I’m cooking will stick and ruin the meal, but it turns out if you trust the maillard reaction, it will lift. Natural sugars in your food release, brown, and crisp, and then your protein will unstick from the pan so you can flip it. If it feels stuck, don’t force it, it’s not ready. I seared my scallops and then basted them in brown butter and lardon. My mint plant is growing like crazy so I made a puree of peas, leeks, and mint to serve with my scallops. Out of everything I made this week, this dish might have been my favorite.
Before my son’s fish allergy developed, I would buy fish almost every week, and at the end of the week, I’d throw it out. I will eat fish but I hate cooking it. My whole house stinks and it’s never as good as I’m hoping it’ll be. Whole branzino were on sale when I went to pick up my scallops, so I brought one home. I stuffed it with tarragon and lemon and seared it in a cast iron pan. Quick, easy, and light. And smelly. Still, it’s a bit of a treat to cook something my son is severely allergic to while he’s out of town.
Today was the culmination of several days of prep. Earlier in the week I made browned broth from beef neck bones and aromatics, some of which I reduced to a concentrated stock. I reduced port down to a thick syrup. I simmered cherries in a honey syrup. All three sauces were combined and reduced further with a slurry, and finished with cold butter to give it shine. I was so proud of this sauce, but holy shit French recipes are fussy. I served my port and cherry reduction over seared duck breast. Plating was a mess because I was so excited to be finished and taste it after days of work. It was divine.
The potatoes also take forever to make, but they are sadly extremely delicious and I’ll probably have to make them again at some point. Sliced thin on a mandolin, layered with duck fat and salt, baked at low heat, cooled, weighted down and chilled overnight, sliced, frozen, fried, and salted. You know when you’re eating potato chips and you grab a tangled cluster of chips? These potatoes are like that, but hot, salty, and a little moist inside. Fussy as hell, and my house smells worse than it did after the fish, but so, so good.
If you see million layer potatoes, a reduction, or demi-glace on a menu and it seems expensive, just pay whatever they’re asking because there is no way the price is enough to compensate for the tedious work involved. When you’re eating at a higher end restaurant and the menu reads like prose, each item in each dish took several steps to make. When I go to a restaurant I order something I can’t pull off myself, or something I don’t want to have to make myself. At the top of this list is now demi-glace, because it is so complicated I gave up and switched to a port wine sauce. We’re talking brewing gallons of stock and splitting it in two, reducing one half and turning the other into a separate sauce called Espagnole, which itself is reduced, and then the two reductions combine and, you guessed it, simmer down until they are thick and rich. I had a week to do it and opted out.
If I see a video for a popular recipe, I need to make it myself. Fad “viral” recipes are often trash, so I need to reproduce it and see if it’s worth the hype. If I make something and it’s not exactly right, I want to try again as soon as possible. The last few months I’ve been practicing searing steaks, and I now have a favorite cut (New York strip, but only if it’s PRIME) and a favorite method (cast iron sear from room temp if it’s over an inch thick, from cold if it’s thinner to keep it from overcooking). Cooking is a small distraction, but since the kids are gone, it’s become a much bigger project.
I get the impression that my friends and family are trying to help with the distraction process, since they sometimes give me projects of their own for me to work out in my free time. My nephew turned two last month and I was asked to make his cake, which seemed silly to me, because I’m not a baker, but it was something to work on and occupy my mind. My instructions were: no chocolate, he likes strawberries, and it must have vehicles. My kids helped plan the design and we couldn’t decide between a first responder theme or a construction theme, so we did both, because you’re only two once, right? I don’t even know if my nephew tasted the cake (buttermilk vanilla with strawberry lemon filling) but he reached right out and grabbed the construction equipment, loading and unloading the chopped strawberries until his hands were pink, so I declared it a success.
Cooking is my version of crafting. While I like to use my hands to make things, I hate clutter. I would enjoy paint-by-numbers I think, but I would throw out the finished painting immediately. I did cross stitch when I was on bedrest with my daughter, but I didn’t keep the end product. I made jewelry one summer in Austin, but none of it remains (it was hideous). When I try a new recipe or bake a cake, it isn’t meant to stick around, so if it’s a failure, I can just toss it and try again another time, though I usually repurpose whatever I can from a misfire. If I make a mistake or end up hating a recipe, I don’t have to live with it the way I would if my hobby was, say, refinishing furniture. It’s easier to choke down dry chicken than to live with a ruined piece of furniture for years.
When I’m missing my kids, it does help to have some kind of distraction so I don’t sit and wallow. Getting sporadic updates from a ten year old who only wants to discuss video games is not sufficient to keep me in the loop, so it’s been nice to have something frivolous to focus on. However, I have eaten about 5 potatoes in the last couple days, so it might be time to put down the tongs for a while.
Wild Things Blog 
Leave a comment