A Million Reasons

I have heard from readers that you’re eager to know what crazy things I find when I go through people’s homes. Every home is different, every client is different, so each day presents opportunities for discovery.

Guns. So many guns, as I’ve mentioned before, and bullets of all sizes. To go with the guns are entire hunting wardrobes that almost even out the mens’ sides of his and hers closets. Starched jeans were an exciting find, with a center crease that could slice your finger and fabric so stiff I couldn’t get them off the hanger. As I tried to fuss them into submission in a man’s closet I was caught up in the logistics of concrete pants and how one would put them on without splitting them, or walk or sit or breathe. There are cowboy hats and cowboy boots, both for work and for style, so we separate the hats with grungy sweat stains and boots caked in mud from the precious pristine hats on bespoke stands and crocodile boots that have never seen a puddle. In one case there were spurs and chaps, but he was a former bull-rider and those things are fairly rare.

I’ve seen a lot of interesting awards, like statuettes for bodybuilding and some sort of Miss Congeniality equivalent from the 60s. There is sports memorabilia, both signed by athletes and personal jerseys and game balls, collections of whiskey, crystal figurines, paper mache animals, and designer sunglasses. I have touched handbags that cost more than a trip to paradise, some kept in original packaging for protection and some with sticky gum wrappers in the bottom.

There are always the extremely personal items, like those found in night stands and medicine cabinets, but I am professional and discrete, so you’ll have to buy me a cocktail to find out those tidbits.

Speaking of medicine cabinets, you can often see the arc of a life in a cabinet that hasn’t been emptied in a while. One had supplies for a large wound, one had a cane and dressings to care for a joint replacement, and you can tell the stage of life a client is currently experiencing by the expiration of their baby Tylenol. Expired? Kids are growing up and taking other meds. Brand new but next to the Kaopectate? Grandkids visit often.

In the fanciest homes I learn about builder upgrades I didn’t know existed, like LED lighting in each individual kitchen drawer that comes on when the drawer is opened and can be switched from warm, to light, to daylight. One house had a dedicated water bottle filler built into the wall that spat out chilled, filtered water. If you, like me, do not live in a multi-million dollar home and parts of your humble abode are befuddling, like my bathroom drawers that don’t have hardware and are harder to open than a Gulf oyster, rest assured that flashy homes also have issues. I’ve come across a lot of beautiful but non-functional spaces, like show closets with uncovered windows so the sun will bleach your Birkins, or sexy sleek modern storage that actually doesn’t hold our client’s belongings. Rich people, they’re just like us, amiright?

What we find in every room of every home is reasons. My house is a mess because I don’t have time to get it together. We just moved and I can’t find anything. My mother-in-law moved in and we have too much stuff for our house. A family member died and I can’t part with their belongings. We are moving to a new city and I’m worried we have too many belongings for the new house. I am so busy I need a clear streamlined system to cut down on the time it takes me to get out the door. We have lived in our house thirty years and we don’t even know what all we have, but it needs to be accessible to us with our current physical limitations. We bought this house not noticing the closets don’t function for us at all. Please. Help.

Some clients apologize profusely when we walk in the door, as if we’re somehow unprepared to see clutter or a space in flux. Sorry about the mess! Y’all, this is what we do. And if you didn’t make a mess before we walked in, we’d make the mess for you, because the first rule of organization and decluttering is pulling every item out of the space and starting over. It gets worse before it gets better. There is always a reason for everything we see. Some people can’t bear to face certain sentimental items or sort through paperwork that touches a nerve, so it piles up and collects dust. People die and leave behind things that are hard to get rid of, because without that person around, the things are all that’s left.

There are empty nesters that want to reclaim their homes, and new parents getting ready for their baby to start walking. You need to turn the empty room into a craft space/library and get the cleaning products and snacks off the floor, respectively. Folks who feel stuck spend endlessly on items they don’t need that take over otherwise lovely rooms in their house. Things change, marriages end and begin, lifestyles are altered, financial success brings upgrades, altered family compositions mean downsizing, and homes evolve with every chapter. Personal trials can filter into the way you care for your space, and while those jobs are the most demanding, they’re also the most rewarding. A clear space leads to a clear mind.

Some days it’s more difficult to reach for empathy at work, but I find it’s helpful when the job is hard. It’s often physical and demanding and requires a lot of interpersonal skills, which are the first thing to go when I’m frustrated or tired. Some days the stuff just doesn’t fit in the bins, or the client wants a minimalist look but doesn’t want to get rid of the forty-seven boxes of old tax documents in the center of the room. My vision is to have nothing on my kitchen counters. Okay, then you need more cabinets or less stuff. I relay this with professional grace and a smile, of course. Occasionally, it feels like we’re making miracles happen, and other days we just need a miracle. But, there’s always a reason why things are the way they are, and calling out for help is a huge step in the right direction. It’s not all color-coded designer sneakers. Sometimes we help clients see through the muck to the life they want to have after they declutter their homes and their minds, and the future fits perfectly into display bins from The Container Store.